Signature

Handwriting VS Personality

"Those who write the first letter of the name followed by the surname and put dot or dots below the signature are very lucky. Such people take birth to reap the fruits of their previous birth. They are religious and soft spoken. They are very simple and sensitive. Hence they are very gullible. This is the only drawback in their personality. People who write their full name as the signature are very special. Drawing a line beneath the full name indicates their spirituality. They are full of zeal and they know how to use it best. They are very self-conscious. Whichever field they choose, they start innovating in that. Such people are far away from selfishness and egoism. They are very close to God. "

I wonder why.

Have you ever complained about the situation you are in, yet you know you are in a sitaution better than a few million people out there?

You complain about the colleagues you met at work, and wanted to quit your job because you couldn't bear the sight of them even for another day.Yet you know how fortunate you are as compared to the thousands out there have no colleagues to even complain about because they don't even have a job to start with to feed their family of few.

You question and often doubt yourself, with what you have, who you have. But for many others, they don't even have what you have to begin with. Some said parents aren't earning enough, yet there are a world of them out there whose parent's could not even afford to bring 3 meals onto the dining table.

And very often the case that a patient is fighting for his/her live, yet a completely healthy person choose to end their life.

Weird isn't it. No matter how poor you are, or how rich you are, how healthy you are, how sick you are, how fortunate you are, how unfortunate you are. We all have our own troubles and own worries.

Independence

Have you ever felt like you have been losing that sense of independence you always had with you?
Have you ever dislike that part in you that start relying on others?
Have you been starting to rely on others to make your days slightly better, or make you feel abit better?
Not a wise choice to rely on others. No?
Scary to let others determine your happiness. No?

While she always make it a point to be independant and happy, without letting anyone determine the way she feel, some days, she feels scared that she seems to be losing it...

She should never, ever lose it. Independance is of great strength to her,as well as a protective barrier to her. Where has the inner peace gone to?

Mel's stopover in Feb

24/04 to 04/05

Coincidentally, as she laid her work aside mentally for the day and wanted to fill another entry here informing about life and talking about going home, her manly Ipod sang

"Another summer day, has come and gone away.
In Paris and rome, but I wanna go home.
Maybe surrounded by a million people's eye
Still feel all alone, just wanna go home. Oh I miss you, you know"

Yes the above is the date she'll be coming home. A short few days. She needs to get all these done:
-Check and get all certificates and result slips certified in TP if needed
-Install Norton anti-virus before anything bad happens to the first and new laptop
-Install Photoshop
-Buy/photocopy reference books
-Visit grandpa. Yes, she fought to get her leave approved earlier. Maybe Mak spoke something to Boss and it got into him

Not to mention meeting the angels. Would like to make a trip to Marina Barrage, get some tan and exercise by biking around in Ubin...Catch a movie or two..Have a peaceful night out in Dempsey, or perhaps somewhere of equivelent...

Being apart for a period does not kill. Yes, some days you might have forgotten how it feels to have someone dear physically next to you, till a point that it takes a few minutes to get back the same feeling after meeting in real time. Yes, some days you might be even relying on photos to keep them in memory. But somehow, time makes moments feel magical, and maybe less taken granted for. And maybe even makes one a stronger individual, maybe because there is no one to offer you a shoulder to cry on anytime you demand. And some times, you are let with no choice but to put up with whatever life throws at you.

Oh yes and on 12th March marks the 2nd year she's working in the company. Tons of ups and down, especially after we relocated to this desert. And surprisingly, she have been complaining and toying with the idea of quitting the job for 10months, and counting. Maybe it is due to the economic recession, and maybe it was the drive to save up for schooling expenses in the future..

Last week had been relatively calm, this week is midway through and she hopes that the week stays relatively calm too.

-Goodnight world. Goodnight Love. Goodnight Friends.-
May peace be upon us. Literally.

Leave delayed

I've been wanting to go home since end Jan when grandpa have stroke. But I was made to stay because projects is running. Now that march has arrived and it means I can go home because leave is unfrozen, I tried to apply for April. But again pushed to May.

Not that I cannot wait to go home, its not just about me. If there was no one else to consider, I would go home in May. But not everything is just about me, right?

Besides this. Work sucks as ever. Somedays I don't even feel like fighting anymore. I still do angry when people try to be funny and try to make life difficult. Somedays I wished I could just leave. Resignation Letter is in my drawer, typed and waiting for an envelop and handed in in May. Tendering in May and end of the year, in this times...make alot of difference to my savings. But somedays I just feel like going home, but somedays, this thought that after taking in all the anger for so many months, and we've survived it, what more if I just bite on and hold for another month, and another month...and another...

Just didn't know what I've signed up for somedays. Really. At this moment, I'm actually quite disappointed, which I should be angry but there is no point in getting angry because only I will feel the hurt more than those that hurt. Seriously. Why. If only everyone can be as good as...If only I can stop comparing...Everyone is not perfect, but being not perfect is one thing. Being selfish is another. I am..so...If I can make up my mind..really. I am only working for the money so that I don't have to suffer next time when I go to school, or just to lessen my financial burden for my family..But what is this shit that I have to put up with every single living day?

Another Fucked Up day

She wants mummy to get rid of those mean, ugly people. They fucking spoil people day early in the morning.

This morning she woke up feeling like she just want to stay muted and quiet. Numb. If only people could make out of the fucking situation. Since when I gotten myself into this asshole piece of shit job? Sorry not my job, but things that make up of having a job.

What has become of this job that used to be once what I loved? What has become of the environment? What has become of it?

That's why I love you.

Love,

Some days you just seem to make me feel so much better with so much ease.
Today is one day of those days I feel so happy because you're such an angel.
Today is one day of those days that you reminded me why I love you so.
Effortlessly, you made it again:)

With Love,
Me.

You always get it right. Amazing how you can make things very simple.You made my day after my everyday was spoilt day after day by someday 1 person, someday few people :) Let's keep it happy. Afterall, this is meant for you.

If only human heart is kind

If only. If only human does not excercise the little devil in them.

I am not born to entertained nonsense.
I am not born to be as benovelent as others.
I am not born just like others who can swallow their sadness and anger.
I am not born to love everyone.
I am not born to be bullied.

I am cold hearted, but events exploded recently and I realised that no matter how evil hearted I can be, I could only speak.
Blamed it on my guts.
Blamed it on me who cannot do something without my conscience.
Blamed it on me because I hate facing people with guilt and awkwardness even when what I spoke was the truth in total anger.

Some days this anger made me feel so much like crying out and screaming at them.
But blame it on my ego and belief that tears should never roll infront of your opposition.

As much as I believed that our life cannot always be pushed around by others.
Never have I felt so pushed around by others.
Never have I controlled so much anger.

Yes. I may be not the best kind hearted people. But it seems its been an eye opening few months for me.
I've seen how selfish humans can be. Til they forgot about others, just to acheive what they want. Maybe they have even forgotten that there are humans with feelings surrounding them.

I've seen how people cared about the small things in life, they forgot to see the big picture.

I've seen how people angered get carried away, that they forgot to see the white and black in life. That they forgot that there are someone kind enough.

I've seen how people are no better than the one that they are against.

For once, somehow I felt cheated. I felt like I've misjudged everything. Misjudge everything that took time to build, yet moments to destroy. I felt I was not being smart enough. But I was never that smart. Time are to be spent worth while, not analysing all these.

It has come to a point that crack lines will always crack lines. Some word will never be said anymore. Because you are unworthy of those words.


Love, I'm not sure how you can ever me kind to others, even if others are not kind to you. I'm not sure how is that ever possible. I'm not sure how that can inspire the person to pick up traits of you. I think much less of myself. I don't expect them to be like me. All I expect is to be kind. And I cannot imagine how you can possibly pray that they will become someone better someday. I don't think I can ever be like who you are.

And this is why I love you so. Some things others will never understand.

As much as I wished people would be like you. Mak have said,: "If every men is just like the other, that makes all of them redundant."

And I would never want them to be like you. You are special, just like that.


And I don't give a damn who reads this. Yes, I might just be speaking about you for the whole wide world to see...For I believe, there is nothing to be afraid off if I have spoken the truth and done no wrong.