She always jokes about having commitment phobia. But somehow, she does feel so..
"Being scared of getting noticed, because the other person might want to start a relationship. In fact, they'll often reject other people from the word go, so that a relationship barely gets off the starting blocks. The feeling behind this, can be to protect themselves from even the prospect of allowing others' to get too close."
God knows what happen to her. She doesn't like the fact too that she fears of it. It just felt weird.
May 23, 2008
May 19, 2008
Finally Home
She came home on Sunday morning, after working through Saturday til Sunday and after breakfast with Fiq. Decided to eat so that when she touched back home, she doesn't have to go to bed with a hungry stomach.
Decided to go for a haircut first and..well grandma called and she happened to pick up the call. Suddenly, her usual :"Tell me when you are coming back so that I can cook something for you", sounded different. Like..kinda different..like..someone knows this girl here is not having enough time for her body to rest. Well, but being who she is, she rarely shows that she is touched.
These 3 weeks of mental and physical torture at work seems to come to a little breather. And she kinda misses home though she's still in Singapore. Weird cuz she rarely misses home.
Decided to go for a haircut first and..well grandma called and she happened to pick up the call. Suddenly, her usual :"Tell me when you are coming back so that I can cook something for you", sounded different. Like..kinda different..like..someone knows this girl here is not having enough time for her body to rest. Well, but being who she is, she rarely shows that she is touched.
These 3 weeks of mental and physical torture at work seems to come to a little breather. And she kinda misses home though she's still in Singapore. Weird cuz she rarely misses home.
May 16, 2008
Home at 12am
Yes she's home early today after almost 2.5 weeks of mental and physical torture. Though its nots over yet, she hope that time will allow her for a slight breather. She shall post unglam photos up soon, perhaps tomorrow(those of puffy eyes, 2weeks of tender process, unkempt hair).
She's somehow glad that she's sitting to someone who would be a motivator to her. Telling her not to sleep and read a book instead while waiting for rendering, to telling her to take a nap first cuz she needs some rest. And its challenging and she loves every moment of those heathy motivation. Nice to have someone to laugh at her funny stupidity at times. And just very thankful that I've gotten to know such a friend. :)
She's somehow glad that she's sitting to someone who would be a motivator to her. Telling her not to sleep and read a book instead while waiting for rendering, to telling her to take a nap first cuz she needs some rest. And its challenging and she loves every moment of those heathy motivation. Nice to have someone to laugh at her funny stupidity at times. And just very thankful that I've gotten to know such a friend. :)
May 12, 2008
Tau Huay Conversation
The Tauhuay Conversation at 12.19am Monday morning in office while eating tauhuay
Alan: Tauhuay from Sembawang arh?
Merv: No, Tauhuay from Cafe del Mar
Fiq: Imagine at bar area and you say 1 Tuahuay please
Merv: Cool Bartender. Cool Us. and a tauhauy. Tauhauy on the rock or Long island tauhuay
Fiq: Pay with card ah.
Alan: Drink with straw.
Damn crap
Alan: Tauhuay from Sembawang arh?
Merv: No, Tauhuay from Cafe del Mar
Fiq: Imagine at bar area and you say 1 Tuahuay please
Merv: Cool Bartender. Cool Us. and a tauhauy. Tauhauy on the rock or Long island tauhuay
Fiq: Pay with card ah.
Alan: Drink with straw.
Damn crap
May 7, 2008
Peaceful day
Thank god somehow there isn't too many phone calls or emails. She is glad its been fine.
Office is kinda scary, with everyone seating around her passing the flu virus and she's so prone to it. Thank god she's still surviving. And yes. Tomorrow morning she'll be so happy that someone's gonna brighten her days. Yes yes.. good looking supplier. Ha!
Anyway, thank god that feeling hasn't really come to her. It didn't slap her in the face that she felt so at lost. Maybe due to the heavy workload, she did not realise how much difference it is now in the office and how it was previously.
OK, back to work! Tons of stuff to do but somehow she's taking it easy today.
Office is kinda scary, with everyone seating around her passing the flu virus and she's so prone to it. Thank god she's still surviving. And yes. Tomorrow morning she'll be so happy that someone's gonna brighten her days. Yes yes.. good looking supplier. Ha!
Anyway, thank god that feeling hasn't really come to her. It didn't slap her in the face that she felt so at lost. Maybe due to the heavy workload, she did not realise how much difference it is now in the office and how it was previously.
OK, back to work! Tons of stuff to do but somehow she's taking it easy today.
May 5, 2008
Desparate
She is fucking desparate already. Super!
Boss said ok hotel tender hold on for a week. Submit next week. But that not the end of the good news. Bad news accompanied along. Since Hotel A is held back now, do Hotel B tender! Shit. God cares if Hotel B just need minor changes. It is still fucking work. And still, there's the bank project that needs her immediate attention!
Give me a fucking boring cruise. I don't care. She wants to be out of touch from the world!!
Bintan can't make it. Shit
Bangkok can't make it also.
She's so fucking screwed up!
Boss said ok hotel tender hold on for a week. Submit next week. But that not the end of the good news. Bad news accompanied along. Since Hotel A is held back now, do Hotel B tender! Shit. God cares if Hotel B just need minor changes. It is still fucking work. And still, there's the bank project that needs her immediate attention!
Give me a fucking boring cruise. I don't care. She wants to be out of touch from the world!!
Bintan can't make it. Shit
Bangkok can't make it also.
She's so fucking screwed up!
May 4, 2008
The moment she felt that comfort.
She was tired from a week of working like an elf. She was fast asleep this morning when her dad left for Hongkong for a business trip. And she wasn't even aware of it til she saw him in his luggage today. That struck her. She manage to sleep 9 hrs finally.
Her's her schedule for the past 1 week:
- Working hours starting Tues 9 am : Continuous 20 hr + 2 hr of sleep from (5am-7am in office) + went home for a bath
- Working hours starting Wed 10am: Continuous 14hr + 7 hr of sleep (at home)
-Working hour starting Thur 11am on Labour Day: Continuous 16 hr + 2.5 hr of sleep (at home)
- Working starting Fri 10am: 12 hr + 7 hr of sleep
-Working on Sat : 10hr
-Working on Sun : 9hr
Yes she is wokring tomorrow too.
Maddness. She needs a break. And Bernard message her if she wants to attend his birthday at Bintan. Sound good but buddy Terence is having his 21st on Sat too..So Bintan might be gone again.
But what bought comfort to her is knowing that somehow somebody out there recognise her effort. She might be getting somewhere afterall. She might have worked hard and she did not think too much about anything. But guess its been fruitful. She is humble after knowing it and happy. People wants her to work for them. She thinks so. She is not looking for a big ambition. She is happy working as a supporting crew. A good one. And knowing this, she is truly motivated and will put in more effort. She is taking her little step out of her comfort zone. She feels she is making a difference for herself. She feels alot more stronger. She will one day.
Somedays she's angry at clients who never seem to understand we don't have an elf working in the middle of the night for us when we are sleeping. Somedays she feels she's so screwed up. She felt so fucked up some days that every single thing is fcuked up. But guess, somehow, she's feeling that passion lighting up slowly again. She hate her job, but she love her job. Hate and love. What an irony. But think she might have begin to fall into a deeper love for her job, despite the anger and frustration moments.
And she is toying the idea of furthering her knowledge or rather education.
Her's her schedule for the past 1 week:
- Working hours starting Tues 9 am : Continuous 20 hr + 2 hr of sleep from (5am-7am in office) + went home for a bath
- Working hours starting Wed 10am: Continuous 14hr + 7 hr of sleep (at home)
-Working hour starting Thur 11am on Labour Day: Continuous 16 hr + 2.5 hr of sleep (at home)
- Working starting Fri 10am: 12 hr + 7 hr of sleep
-Working on Sat : 10hr
-Working on Sun : 9hr
Yes she is wokring tomorrow too.
Maddness. She needs a break. And Bernard message her if she wants to attend his birthday at Bintan. Sound good but buddy Terence is having his 21st on Sat too..So Bintan might be gone again.
But what bought comfort to her is knowing that somehow somebody out there recognise her effort. She might be getting somewhere afterall. She might have worked hard and she did not think too much about anything. But guess its been fruitful. She is humble after knowing it and happy. People wants her to work for them. She thinks so. She is not looking for a big ambition. She is happy working as a supporting crew. A good one. And knowing this, she is truly motivated and will put in more effort. She is taking her little step out of her comfort zone. She feels she is making a difference for herself. She feels alot more stronger. She will one day.
Somedays she's angry at clients who never seem to understand we don't have an elf working in the middle of the night for us when we are sleeping. Somedays she feels she's so screwed up. She felt so fucked up some days that every single thing is fcuked up. But guess, somehow, she's feeling that passion lighting up slowly again. She hate her job, but she love her job. Hate and love. What an irony. But think she might have begin to fall into a deeper love for her job, despite the anger and frustration moments.
And she is toying the idea of furthering her knowledge or rather education.
May 1, 2008
He's cool
Terence! She loves your blog. And she realise how photogenic he is. She wants those cool photos for herself too
She needs some
Hugs. She's been craving for alittle hugs these days.
Somehow she felt that tint of vulnerablity.
Somedays she felt like tears are tugged behind her tired eyes.
Life's been okay. Roller coaster was just when work is concern, not personal life. But yet, that lonely feeling seems to be creeping in once in awhile. She hates that. She's been through so much of it that she've done a good job in keeping it away.
But some days, this little demon in her likes to creep into her mind. She's trying to stop it.
Being alone can be pleasant, but being alone and feeling lonely is scary.
Just silently hold her hands and silently communicate to her. She needs comfort.
Somehow she felt that tint of vulnerablity.
Somedays she felt like tears are tugged behind her tired eyes.
Life's been okay. Roller coaster was just when work is concern, not personal life. But yet, that lonely feeling seems to be creeping in once in awhile. She hates that. She's been through so much of it that she've done a good job in keeping it away.
But some days, this little demon in her likes to creep into her mind. She's trying to stop it.
Being alone can be pleasant, but being alone and feeling lonely is scary.
Just silently hold her hands and silently communicate to her. She needs comfort.
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