Home sooner

Think she'll be home sooner than expected.

First it started with a realisation, followed by a strange and sudden thought that pops out from somewhere in her mind, and she gave that sudden thought a thought. And she was caught very much in a thought process. Days passed. Evaluation of the pros and cons of the decision and the current situation at hand. Withthe everyday thought of it, the more she felt like she should just go for it.

She knew she did not what to regret not trying hard enough. She remembered what Syafiq once said, "Its better to regret trying, than regret not trying at all." If she wants it bad enough, she know she will give it her very best. This very best needs time, alot. This best needs alot of concentration, therefore peace must be factor into the decision. There will be no time, and no peace if she stays on.

Money no longer seems as tempting. Something else is. Something else is definately better than office politics, better than trying to put on a smiling face and trying to manage all the hatred. And she definately have her own choice to make and own rights to transform a unhappy situation into a happier situation. She would rather be home and surviving on $300 a month off her savings, than earning thousands and never felt abit happier.

No, she doesn't know if life at home would be any good without money and eating into her savings. She doesn't know even if she could ever find a job in these bad recession time, especially for this industry.

But she knoes she doesn't like how unmotivated she is. She doesn't like how negativity is eating into the positivity that took her years to build up. She doesn't like how positivity has already been drained out from her. It is almost like everyday is a battle to stay afloat, to stay sane, to control her words and actions from the urge to give some a thrashing and a enjoyable leashing of the tension. No, some people never learn and never will, therefore there's no point in even trying to talk. Therefore if a thrashing were to happen, its basically to let out, not educate. No point trying to bleach a shirt that is already blacken and black. It will never be perfect colour. There will still be gray.

If giving up the money would get all these above exchanged, perhaps it is not too bad a consideration to make. The worse is when positivity is drained. Confidence, capability, independance, would all follow suit and be drained out. And back to basic is good at times. It makes you think back and realise what you have forgotten what you are actually working for in the beginning.

And in the beginning, she just wanted a enough paying job, but she wants to be able to take her job as a hobby. She wants to be motivated and be with positive people. Very simple, but like she always said, "very simple, but not easy to acheive."

She wants to be where the angels are too.